Number Two

fred and shanel came over to my desk yesterday to keep me company since it was pretty late in the day already and most of the crew had gone home. we were talkin, and somehow, the conversation strayed to the topic of 2 chicks, 1 cup (which is an awesome video btw ..::gag::.. NSFW!!!) this somehow led to a conversation about how me and fred's friends have pretty weird experiences when it comes to poop. like the one time a couple of weeks ago, where our friend "mud-butt" joel, forgot to drop the kids off before we left for the stadium for the charger game. basically, if you have to drop a deuce at the stadium, you only have two options. you can either use the bathrooms inside the stadium, but you have to cut tailgating short, or you can use the port-a-potty, but you have to use it pretty early in the day(for obvious reasons). well we were running late that day, so port-a-potty was out of the equation, and no one wanted to go into the stadium early and cut the party short. so joel asks us to go to mcdonalds by the stadium so he could use the bathroom there. well, when we get there, i feel "the need" too. so when we get out of the car, i purposely rush to the bathroom and to my delight, it was only a one-seater, so joel had to wait for me to finish my business, which sorta ticked him off. to make things worse, when i flushed, not everything went down the drain and there were a couple of floaters. so, knowing that joel was dying to use the toilet and me being the good friend that i am, i just left it for him. it was probably the best gift ever! because theres nothing worse than seeing someone else's deed.

which leads me to the daryl incident....

our team was at a football tournament in pomona and we had just finished a day of games. afterwards, we all headed to a nearby carl's jr. daryl is one of the youngest guys on our team, and he's probably one of the craziest guys i know (ask him about the icy-hot incident). so we're eating our food, he finishes and decides he needs to go to the bathroom. well, after a few minutes pass, daryl comes out of the bathroom with the biggest fuckin grin on his face. so we ask him what was going on and he didnt say a word. he just kept smiling. so our friend larry goes into the bathroom, not knowing what daryl had done. when he goes in to use the toilet, everyone in the restaurant hears a loud "ohhh!" almost like he saw a ghost. so some of us go in to investigate. basically, larry discovered a giant log ON THE SEAT. now this wasnt any ordinary giant log, this was a fuckin masterpiece. this beast stretched from the front-right side of the seat, it followed the seat perfectly, and ended on the front-left side, like an upside-down horseshoe... almost as if it were planned. the best part is, if you looked at it yourself, you could tell where he started and where he pinched it off. how daryl pulled that off is beyond me, but i guess he's a pretty talented guy and he's pretty flexible. i wish someone would have taken a picture of this, but at the same time i wish i hadnt seen it.

enjoy your lunch everyone!